


How Can I Trust You?

by debwalsh



Series: Deb’s Fictober Surprise! [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Break Up, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Hershey’s Kisses, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Meet-Cute, Modern Era, Sam Wilson is a Gift, librarian Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 09:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: When librarian Steve Rogers hears someone going through a rough breakup by phone while he’s working in the stacks, he starts leaving anonymous day brighteners.When Bucky Barnes finds out that his live-in boyfriend is cheating, he takes control of his life, and finds that there are more people in his corner than he ever expected.





	How Can I Trust You?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in my head on the drive back from New York Comic Con Thursday night, and then committed to to electrons on Friday. It came out longer than I’d intended for this challenge, and that’s when I realized I really needed to separate out the Fictober entries into their own individual works. Please subscribe to the series so you get notified of each new installment.

“How can I trust you?” asked a deep, anguished voice.  Steve paused where he was reshelving books, and quietly set the book in his hand back on the trolley.

There was no answering voice, so he assumed that whoever was talking was on their phone.That or practicing a scene, which wasn’t out of the ordinary.Theater students often sought out the quiet upper level carrels, secluded work tables, and dimly lit alcoves to run lines.Steve had stumbled into simulated trysts, battles, and even soliloquies more than once since he had taken over managing the college library.

This was the first time he’d found himself inadvertently eavesdropping on an emotional breakup.

“Brock, stop lying.I found them in your wallet when you told me to go get money to pay the pizza guy last night.Brand new, a whole fucking strip.We never have sex outside the apartment, Brock.There’s no reason for you to carry condoms in your wallet.”

The strained silence stretched as Steve imagined this Brock douche on the other end of the call doing a verbal tap dance to get himself out of the doghouse.But Deep and Anguished wasn’t having it.

“The only reason you’d be carrying brand new condoms in your wallet is because you’re using them.And a strip of ten?You’re using them a lot.So why, huh?You turning tricks on the side?Escorting fat old rich white ladies, then fucking them for money?”

The silence this time seemed to snap, and Steve felt sure that Brock-douche hadn’t replied.He wasn’t surprised when he heard the tears welling in Deep and Anguished’s voice.“Ah.So that’s it.Well, that’s what we learned on Glee.”

By now, Steve was barely breathing, holding himself so still and so poised on the brink of what he knew was going to be a heartbreaking moment.The moment held, attenuated, stretched thin, and then broke, along with his own heart as he heard the sob choke out of the unknown man’s chest. 

“I want you gone.You’ve got two hours to pack up your crap and get out of my apartment, Brock.Leave the key with Sam next door - I’ll tell him to expect it from you.Delete my number from your phone.I never want to hear from you again.I never want to see your lying, cheating, goddamned face again.”

A thump of a fist hitting the table, the smack of a phone being slapped down on the same table.Then the hiccoughing, gulping sound of unbridled, deeply painful ugly crying.

Steve felt an overwhelming need to reach out to this guy, to fold him into his arms, and tell him it was gonna be okay.He had no idea who he was, what he looked like, what he was like.He just wanted to help take some of this pain away.

But he remained still, breathed shallowly, silently, letting the man have the dignity of expressing his grief in private.

“Oh, God!  What am I gonna do now?” he heard the man exclaim, and the sheer pain of it was almost enough to erode his resolve.  Almost.

&&&

Steve was starting to get a cramp and feared he’d have to reveal himself when he finally heard movement at the table, the swish of fabric and a muttered, “Ugh, I must look like shit.”Then he thought he heard the guy leave, so he relaxed slightly and started moving in place to get his muscles to relax.

He felt really bad about what he’d heard.He couldn’t imagine how it felt to have someone you love enough to live with do that.Have sex with other people.For money.He had nothing against sex workers, but he did have a major thing about people who lied, whether overtly or by omission.If the guy’s partner was having financial difficulties, he could’ve at least discussed it, and maybe they could’ve figured it out together.If their sex life wasn’t satisfactory, again, they could’ve talked about it.Steve was a big believer in the importance of communication.In fact, some of his friends gave him grief over oversharing.But at least everyone knew where they stood with him . There were no surprises, no mystery.

But this poor guy.  He just ... he just felt the need to do something to make the guy feel better.  Something to make him smile ...

Smile.

Steve had been a sickly kid.  He knew that most people would think that an understatement, considering the broad spectrum of ailments that had plagued his younger years.  Long stints in the hospital.  A parade of doctors who poked, prodded, and palpated him.  Long hours getting drips of various kinds fed into his veins.  Long nights devoid of sleep while fever threatened to burn his brain.  And always, his Ma, ready with a Kiss.  A Hershey’s Kiss to make him smile.

It wasn’t the best option to bring his blood sugar up, but it was the best thing to bring his spirits up whenever they might flag.Steve was never without a bag of the chocolate confection, its bright silver wrapping and its little paper flag. 

He smiled.

&&&

Bucky returned to the table after he’d washed his face and given himself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror. 

Breaking up with Brock was painful, but he knew he couldn’t stay with someone who wasn’t honest with him.Who didn’t respect him enough to be present.And finding that strip of condoms last night had nearly killed Bucky.He’d thought they were in love.He’d thought they were happy.He’d thought they had a future.

Now he realized that the only one of them who’d been invested in their relationship had been him.Bucky and Bucky alone.

After that discovery, he’d left the apartment.Just put his own wallet in his pocket, grabbed his keys and his satchel, and walked out.He hadn’t gone far, just next door to Sam’s.But Brock hadn’t come looking for him.He’d listened.Brock had called out a couple of times for him, but hadn’t left the apartment.He’d gotten his pizza, though.And then Bucky had heard him leave, but he hadn’t knocked on Sam’s door.When Bucky had peered out the window, he’d seen Brock walk jauntily out of the building to get into a car.He’d been whistling.

Bucky had been crumbling.

He was lucky that Sam was a good friend.They’d talked it out, or rather Sam had let Bucky talk himself out as he listened intently, and when he was done, Sam had just said, “You need to dump his sorry ass.”

So they’d discussed logistics.Bucky would stay the night, and go to school in the morning.He’d talk to Brock by phone when he went to the library in the evening, give him one chance to explain himself, and then Bucky was going to kick Brock out.

He was glad he’d talked to Sam.If he hadn’t known that Sam was home from work and waiting to let himself into the apartment to make sure Brock left - and left without breaking or stealing anything - Bucky might have failed to follow through.But he knew that Sam was in his corner, ready to protect him from his own weakness.

Bucky had sent Sam a text before he’d gone to the bathroom.Simple code they’d agreed last night.

It’s done.

And it was.Bucky just had to kill some time before he went home to an empty apartment.And call in for takeout from his favorite Indian place.Brock didn’t like Indian, so it had been a long while since he’d had it.Bucky was planning on indulging in all the things that Brock didn’t like.It was a surprisingly long list.Sam was willing to help, so long as Bucky made sure to have his favorite beer chilling in the fridge.

As break-ups went, this one might be painful, but he felt surprisingly empowered.

He got back to the table, and made to open his laptop to go back to work on his project when he spied it.A single Hershey’s kiss, gleaming in the fluorescent light overhead.And underneath, a purple post-it note with a loopy scrawl of, “Whoever broke your heart doesn’t deserve you.”

Buck immediately felt the heated wash of embarrassment course through him.Someone had heard.Then he felt a little creeped out.Someone had stuck around and listened.Then finally he felt a bit touched that whoever had heard and stuck around had taken the time to leave him something to make him smile, and a note to make him feel better.

So, whether he had a secret admirer, an invisible supporter, or a gentle stalker, he found he appreciated the sentiment.So he quietly said, “Whoever you are, thanks.”

Then he went back to work, trying not to think about Brock moving out of his home.

&&&

Sam sent him a simple text three hours later.

It’s really done.You owe me beer.

Bucky stared at the text for a long moment before he remembered to will himself to breathe.

Okay, then.

Welcome to the rest of your life, Bucky Barnes.

He gathered up his stuff, organized it as he loaded up his satchel, and slung the satchel cross-bodied, and headed out.As he passed the circulation desk, he waved and smiled at the very cute short blond guy manning the desk, calling out, “G’night.” The guy looked up, startled for some reason, and Bucky was treated to a view of the bluest eyes he’d ever seen.

If he wasn’t in the first hours post breakup ... but he was, so he just smiled and made his way to the exit.

&&&

Over the next few weeks, he saw a lot of Sam, as his neighbor slotted into the role of best friend, spending evenings together playing video games (Sam was very competitive, and a surprisingly sore loser for someone who worked as a counselor at the local VA office), snarfing down a variety of takeout, and working their way through the entire catalogue of craft local beers at the store.

It was fun and it was undemanding.It was nice to spend time with someone without an agenda, without an endgame or expectation tacked on to the end of each night.Bucky hadn’t realized just how toxic his relationship with Brock had become until it was over.

That didn’t mean he didn’t miss him sometimes.When things were good, they’d been very good indeed.And he loved falling asleep lulled by the warmth of another body curled around his in bed.He missed early morning kisses, and breakfast in pajamas sharing coffee, pancakes, and kisses.He missed kissing, he realized.He missed kissing more than he missed kissing Brock.

Well, that was a nice discovery.

He felt no urge to backslide, and he felt no need for any additional closure. He didn’t need to know why Brock had cheated on him.There was no acceptable reason for what he’d done.

He tried not to blame himself for making bad choices, and that’s where Sam was really helpful.It seemed like he had a sixth sense about when Bucky’s brain started going into self-blame mode, and he would call him on his shit.

Bucky wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve a friend like Sam, but he was grateful he’d found him.

Sam had laughed at the story of the first Hershey’s Kiss, and cooed over the next few, always laid at his workspace while he’d been in the bathroom or going to refill his water bottle.Always a purple post-it with some sweet affirmation.Nothing personal or invasive, just nice sentiments Bucky didn’t mind sharing with Sam when he got home.

It had taken him a while longer to share the fact that he found the tiny blond librarian, Steve, to be really cute, and even longer before he’d engaged the guy in conversation.That he found him even more attractive, his voice a deep, luxurious sound that he kinda had the urge to roll around in, he kept to himself.

Finally, after nearly three months of almost nightly hangouts interrupted only by Bucky’s long days at the library, or Sam’s evening group sessions, Sam announced that he was going out on a date with the physical therapist from the center - a woman he’d talked about almost incessantly, but had never had the nerve to ask out.She’d taken matters into her own hands and had cornered Sam in the coffee room with a challenge to go out with her.Sam had gladly accepted.

“So you’re gonna be on your own tonight.If all goes well, maybe a lot going forward.”

“Have a good time, Sam.I know you like her a lot.I hope it all goes well for you both.”

“And what’re you gonna do, hmm?No wallowing, remember?”

“Thought I might spend some time at the library.”

“Ask him out already, why don’t you?”

Bucky spluttered and coughed, glaring at Sam.“I never said -“

“You didn’t have to.The way you talk about him says it all.At least find out if he’s into dudes, huh?”

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Bucky nodded.“Yeah, maybe I will.”

And that’s how Bucky ended up at the library on a night when he usually didn’t go, feeling hopeful and nervous and not just a little excited at a possibility.If Steve the librarian wasn’t into dudes, that was okay.Maybe they could be friends.Bucky could use more friends, and Steve had a wicked sense of humor and a great laugh.He could be a lot of fun.

If Steve the librarian was into dudes, he might not be free, or he might not be into Bucky.Either way, Sam was right.It was time to put himself out there and find out.

By now, one season had handed off to the next, and autumn was beginning to cool the nights that summer had fueled to seemingly burning temperatures.It was nice to have the windows open, nice to know the electric bill was getting a break, and nice to have to shrug on a sweater that felt like wrapping himself up in a hug.His satchel stuffed and ready to roll, Bucky hopped on the subway and made his way to campus.Fortifying himself with a mortifyingly frothy, sweet, and whipped creamed drink, he made his way to the library, a definite spring in his step.

He always enjoyed chatting with Steve.Hell, he could be content with just looking at Steve.But he was ready to admit to himself that he wanted more.

Steve always worked the evening shift, and he was always on hand Monday through Friday. He didn’t work at the library on weekends, although the way he’d said that sounded like he had another job elsewhere that took up Saturday and maybe Sunday. He’d told Bucky he liked the evening shift because it gave him time to take care of the more administrative functions of the library, not just reshelving books, but curating the collections, planning the next quarter’s budget, and reviewing proposals from the junior librarians for new collections, new acquisitions, and new events.

It had taken a couple of weeks for Bucky to realize that tiny Steve was the head librarian, not a freshman intern.This library was his domain, and he loved it like a parent loves a child.And that affection had made Bucky appreciate it all the more as not only a great resource for his dissertation, but as an oasis, a place of respite.

Would asking Steve out change that?

He really, really hoped not.

When he got to the library, the first thing he saw was Steve, head down over something on his desk, tongue firmly wedged between his lips.Bucky felt himself melt a little more at just how adorable Steve was.He grinned to himself and crossed the entryway quickly, his heart pounding a little more with each step.Steve hadn’t noticed his approach yet, and that was okay - more time to enjoy that adorable blep.

When Bucky got to the circulations desk, he was bouncing on the soles of his feet, eagerly looking down at whatever Steve was working on.

Only to find himself stilling.

Purple post-it notes.

A bag of Hershey’s Kisses.

A loopy scrawl.

The motivational notes and Kisses had been from Steve?

He’d been the one to overhear his humiliating breakup with Brock?

And he’d never said anything?

Bucky didn’t realize he’d put out his hand, shaking, toward the slip of paper on which Steve was still writing.

“It was you?All along?” he choked out.

Steve’s head shot up, the pen dropping out of his hand with a clatter.“Bucky!I, uh, I didn’t hear you come in!” he blurted, his hand jerking up toward his ear where Bucky now noticed a device.A hearing aide. 

“I asked if it was you, all along,” Bucky repeated, pointing to the note and the bag of candy.

Steve’s eyes flicked from one to the other and then back up to Bucky’s face, his own doing some complicated morphing of emotions until he settled on embarrassment, blushing furiously.

“Um ...”

“Do you make a habit of listening in on people’s conversations?”

“No.I overheard, and I didn’t want to disturb you.After, you seemed so upset, I just wanted to do something nice.I never even saw you.I didn’t know it was you until you started talking to me.I recognized your voice.And then I just ... “ he shrugged.“They made me feel better.I wrote them as much for me as I did for you.But you seemed to be ... I don’t know.Happier.Lighter?I thought maybe I was doing something good -“

Bucky listened to the word vomit with an increasing sense of delight.Not a creeper.Just an unexpectedly nice guy.He thought.He hoped.Ah, hell.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.They did help.You helped, too.I like talking with you, Steve.I like spending time with you.I’d like, well ...”

“I see you already have coffee.But have you had dinner yet?My dinner break is in 15 minutes.Would you like to have dinner with me, Bucky?”

“A date?”

“I’d like that, but if you don’t, then just ... friends?”

Bucky answered before he could think.Because he didn’t have to think about it.“It’s a date.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.Now, where’s my Kiss?”

Steve grinned at him then, grabbed the bag on his desk, and shook out a couple of the confections to hand to Bucky.Bucky was feeling lightheaded and bold, so he glanced down at the chocolate and smiled, then leaned across the desk to press a quick kiss against Steve’s lips.Then he palmed the candies, grinned at Steve, and sauntered over to the closest table to work while Steve counted down to his dinner break.If he put a little extra sashay into his walk, no one needed to know but him.He glanced back and smiled at the kiss-dopey look on Steve’s face.

He knew he looked just the same, and he couldn’t be happier about it.

END

**Author's Note:**

> I should say here that I’m not employed by Hershey. My Mom loved Hershey’s Kisses - she called them “buds.” I loved them until I discovered as an adult that I am violently allergic to chocolate. So, not an advertisement, but I needed that play on words at the end. And besides, who wouldn’t smile at the sight of a recognizable and well-known treat, especially when it’s accompanied by kind words?
> 
> Comments and kudos may not give me life, but they do bring me joy.


End file.
